Last night was my initial visit at the Toronto Reproductive Acupuncture Clinic. My practitioner was very thorough in collecting a detailed history. I was still in my scrubs as I went straight there from work and didn’t have a change of clothes with me, which was fine since I didn’t think I was too dirty from work.
After the history taking, I lay in a warm bed, well, a massage table, and got some needles placed. She did some sites on my feet and legs, then abdomen and then my wrists. One of the needles on my wrist hit the nerve so that was unpleasant, but overall, the acupuncture needles tend not to be painful. She ended with one in between my eyebrows and one at the crown of my head. I lay there for 20 minutes listening to the music... well, not really. She had relaxing music playing in the room with dimmed lights, but my mind wasn’t slowing down. My mind was going rampant, but I cannot recall all the things in my mind. Work, making a baby, the fact my sister has booked her flights to leave the province - potentially for good, how I feel like I want to look at the needles but I can’t move for fear of having the needles fall out, how I wanted to blog about the needles, and then how can I get a photo or video next time of the experience to document it for this blog. Amongst others.
I went home and I cried. End of story. Kind of. I think the combination of being over-tired, over-worked, feeling depressed about my cycle being off and out of my control, just took over. Maybe the needles were meant to release all that tension that built up.
I know I am not alone in these troubles. I mean, yes, my husband is the greatest. He is there to support me however I need it, but I need to be able to put into words how I am feeling. I also mean, there is a community out there of women who are going through exactly what I am going through. We are not alone.
So, online I go, searching for these community. The first thing I did was Google ‘How to give self-care for fertility’ because how can I care for a family if I cannot care for myself? I found a post on Huffington about this topic
. Last night, I felt despair, this morning I felt sadness. But now, I’m trying to take back that power my emotions tend to steal from me. Inherently, I am logical and rational. These emotional moments can be overwhelming, but they do not have to consume me, or even consume my day. I can get up, I can get moving, I can go to work, and I don’t have to be happy. But I do need to take care of me.