Life is Surreal

It was just another Saturday for my husband and I. Sitting back, having a glass of wine, watching a show, laughing. That’s just a usual Saturday. But not. The typical Saturday in our building is a thud thud of music playing loudly, young men guffawing above us, and people across the hall chatting. Not tonight. Our building management sent out a notice saying no more social gatherings. They also sent a notice about a COVID-19 positive person in our building. Now, their partner was also in the hospital. Our premier also is clamping down, limiting social gatherings to no more than 5 people. I feel like we should be fearful. But fear isn’t what I feel. It’s sadness. Sad that I may not see my sister and the nieces before they move out of the province. I moved to Ontario to be close to them, but I can’t risk having them be exposed. I feel anxious. There is uncertainty at work. I’ve gone from working five days a week to working two days. My employer is still paying me, but for how long? If we can’t make enough, and for a longer duration, then what? We close down? I’m anxious about not getting pregnant. Disappointed, but life is stressful right now. It’s so hard to relax. I’ve done some yoga, and have started relearning Japanese, and writing in this blog. Sleep seems sporadic. It was rarely good, and since starting at the new clinic, it’s been more tough. Occasionally I forget that there is chaos in our world right now. So far, I am staying healthy. But I miss going for walks in the sun by the lake. I miss playing with my nieces, doing acro yoga, pretending to do Jiu jitsu, watching them interact. Colouring. Painting our nails. These are life’s moments that we take for granted. I miss training jiu jitsu, one of the best outlets for my stress over the past 3, almost 4 years. I feel like I do not know how to feel. I feel life is surreal.

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